My Life and Other Weaponised Muffins by Tristan Bancks

Author:Tristan Bancks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Random House Australia
Published: 2017-08-26T04:00:00+00:00

‘Gag?’ I called, toffee-speak for, ‘Dad?’

But he didn’t look back. Where was he going? Was he embarrassed, too?

‘Is everything alright, Anjali?’ Miss Green called over the roar of kids and parents. She looked suspicious.

I covered my mouth, nodded and turned away. She would flip if she knew I’d glued my jaw shut with toffee. She’d have me expelled and held up as an example in the school newsletter of what happens to those guilty of sugar-related crimes. I couldn’t let that happen.

Dad emerged from the van a few minutes later, carrying a steaming saucepan. He marched triumphantly through the little kids’ sandpit and past the climbing equipment. As he came closer, I saw what was in the pot – a disgusting green liquid that looked like slime.

‘Eeeeeeeewwwwww!’ said my friend Isobel, looking over my shoulder. ‘Is that, like, hot snot?’

Dad beamed proudly. ‘Heated green smoothie.’

‘Guuuuumry caaaan griii,’ I said, shaking my head urgently, toffee-speak for, ‘Your green smoothie is the most disgusting substance known to humankind.’

‘This’ll help,’ he said. ‘Come down here.’ He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the veranda and onto the grass, out of sight.

‘Okay, tip your head back,’ Dad said.

I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell him where he could stick his green smoothie. But I also kind of wanted to be able to open my mouth again.

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